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Oktohber.

Wow. I feel like I haven't done this in ages. It's nearing the end of October, and I've graced you with a few relevant-in-the-moment quotes and video clips. ...Sorry.

I suppose this month so far has proved to be bittersweet. Actually, I can't remember what I ate for dinner yesterday, let alone the month so far, but something tells me it's been both good and bad.

The fourth term of school began earlier this month, and suddenly I found myself so eager to return to school. We're in for a short one this time, with exams creeping up all too quickly. I suppose I can't complain. If I want the holidays, I'm going to jolly well have to sit all of my exams first.

Here's hoping I don't fail maths this time.

So I've been doing some thinking. About him. Every now and then, I start to miss him. I start to wonder whether things would have been different had I done this or that, or changed this or fixed that. I always wonder if he thinks about me. Whether he misses me or whether he just wonders what I'm doing, or whether I'm thinking of him.

I beat myself up about it a lot. I was so angry at myself, and I blamed myself for the way we ended. It took me some time to realise it wasn't my fault at all. I may have stuffed up, but he did too. I had the right to be angry, that time that feels like so long ago. I had the right to expect better, and he had no right to lash out and make me feel the way he did. I apologised, and he knew how sorry I was. I so badly wanted to try things again, but he'd already cut me out of his life. I still care about him, I will surely admit that. But what he did was low, and I think I'm worth a little more than that. He lost me. But now I guess I'm just waiting to be found by someone else.

And then it got me thinking- I really want a boyfriend. I really want that other half in my life. I mean, I don't feel desperate or anything, but I just think it would be nice to have someone to rely on, someone you could turn to for help or advice, or someone to just hear you concerns and say they'll be there if you need a hand. Someone to text 'good morning' and 'good night' to every day, and who'll text you or call you occasionally, just to see how your day is going. Someone to watch movies with, all curled up on the couch with tea and blankets, or to go picnicking with and eat sandwiches and biscuits. Someone I could run to when I'm upset or hurt, knowing that they'll give me the kind of hug I so desperately need, and not let go until all my tears are gone. I want someone who knows my flaws and loves my quirks, understands me and supports me, and above all- loves me.

HAHA- what a loser. Single, pathetic loser. Oh I can only dream. Until then, I'll be satisfied with my teddy and my laptop.

So despite the fact that I have english homework that needs doing, my flu is making my eyes water like I have conjunctivitis and I'm well and truly, dead-set single, here are some things that make me undeniably happy:

• Rice cakes with peanut butter. Note= don't bother eating them if you have a cold. You can't taste the peanut butter, and it ends up much like as if you're eating Clag on styrofoam.
• Prince. I don't care if he's a little weird, 'Little Red Corvette' is currently my favourite song.
• Magazines. Especially free ones in goodie bags. What's not to love?
• Hard candy. The handmade stuff they make at the Queen Vic Market, where the make the lolly resemble the flavour. Little kiwi shaped hard candy? Yes.
• Tea. I recently moved out of my coffee phase. Coffee is good, but now that I have the flu, I've rediscovered my love for tea, and I remember why I was always a tea person anyway..
• Cris. I always thought he had a peculiar name until I realised 'Cristobal' was just 'Christopher' in Spanish or something. He is the coolest person I know, and he doesn't even try. He makes me very very happy. He's all kinds of awesome.
• My girlfriends. I recently worked through one of those silly schoolgirl dramas, and I felt so blessed to have my girlfriends backing me up and standing by me the entire time. Those three girls are such fantastic individuals. Gosh I love them.
• My dad. Suddenly I realised I really miss him, and I can't wait to go see him. I'm gonna give him a big hug.

You'll hear from me soon. Lot's of love.

P.S= Just remembered, I had vegetable soup for dinner last night.

Passion Pit - I've Got Your Number

Have you seen me cry? Tears like diamonds.

Down and down they fly;

Faster and faster, like the speed of our love;

Battling a thousand, but a home-run crack at love.

This is where I tell you that I know love's what I need to work at.