Well, Whaddaya Know?

Bloggers!

How lovely it is when someone thinks of you when they feel an opportunity rise; I have been nominated for a Liebster Blog Award- a little something to help the unheard-of bloggers get recognised. The nominated blogger needs to post eleven facts about themselves, answer the eleven questions the nominator has set for them, while also creating eleven more questions for the bloggers they will nominate, and going ahead and nominating those five more blog lovin' folks.

So here goes- eleven random facts about me:

• I have a mild obsessive-compulsive habit that requires me to ensure my bin is perfectly in the corner of my room before I sleep, and also to make sure that my toothbrush is completely dry before I put it away after brushing my teeth. Don't ask.
• I can't eat a muesli bar or a bar of any sort unless I take it right out of the wrapper.
• I'm afraid of moths, things with sharp blades that rotate very quicky (like lawn mowers and blenders), the dark and falling in love.
• I have a rabbit that likes peanut butter and enjoys hanging out with birds.
• I am a compulsive over-thinker.
• I adore people. Any people. Strangers, even.
• I sing to myself when I'm in the dark (because I'm scared of the dark, remember?) to try to comfort myself until I can turn on a light.
• I love baking and decorating cupcakes.
• Tea, reading, writing and prayer are my cures for everything. 
• I absolutely hate sultanas. Bleugh. *gags*
• I have an irregular heart beat that will occasionally speed up and make it hard for me to breathe. Not fun.

And to answer the questions I was assigned:

1. If you could learn another language, which would it be? Why?
2. Do you prefer the city or the country? 
3. What is your passion in life?
4. Do you believe in love at first sight?
5. Most embarrassing moment?
6. What's something you'd like to achieve by the end of 2012?
7. What do you look for in a friendship?
8. 5 Guilty pleasures?
9. If you could have a beautiful apartment, which city would it be in?
10. Is there a celebrity who drives you nuts? (in a bad way)
11. What was your last dream about?

1. If I could learn another language, it would surely be French. Or Swedish. Swedish is fun and much easier than French, but French is oh-so-beautiful. 

2. I like the city and the country, but if I had to choose, I would probably pick city. I love the lights and the people and the excitement. 

3. People and writing, and they interrelate. I want to write because I adore writing. I love letters and words and the feelings and emotions you can evoke through stringing a few letters together to form a word, and a few words together to form a sentence. I love that words can heal or hurt or inspire or break down. There is so much power in language and writing. I want to be the writer that revolutionises the way the world reads, and I want to inspire people and make people fall in love with literature again. But then I also want to work with people, and build charities that address issues that are often neglected, and meet people and build relationships. Blah blah blah.

4. I would like to believe in love at first sight, but I don't think I do. I think you can be attracted to a person at first sight for one reason, but then fall in love with them for a million and one other reasons. I'm far too skeptical. I personally need to know a person to fall in love with them, because you fall in love with someones soul, and things like souls aren't ever out there on display.

5. Filming an absolutely rubbish segment for a TV show, walking out of the bathroom with my dress tucked into my underwear, flashing my bosom to a poor boy at school, falling over in public, getting tongue-tied during public speeches, oh the list goes on.

6. The end of 2012? That's more or less now. Nevertheless, by the end of the year, I would like to have saved up enough to steadily support myself for the upcoming school year and support the little kiddo I plan on sponsoring through World Vision. That, and getting fit. And getting my holiday homework done. Ugh.

7. Funny you ask- in a friendship, I look for integrity, acceptance, respect, excitement, trust, faithfulness and compassion. 

8. Oooh, five guilty pleasures? Chocolate, 80's music, any cheesy rom-com with Drew Barrymore, opshopping (that's hardly guilty- it's an opshop, come on) and Double Choc Fudge McFlurries. Or churros.

9. If I could have a beautiful apartment, it would probably be in New York. Milan or Paris would also be amazing, but then again, there's no place like Melbourne.

10. Yes, Kim Kardashian. I hate her with an irrational, illogical passion and I wish she would drop dead right this instance. I don't even want to start on why I despise her so much, but just trust me- I do. 

11. My last dream was rather bizzare... I was on a bus on the way to a school camp, yet we stopped off during the night, at some dingy little petrol station where a friend of mine was working (mind you, she is NOT the girl you'd find working in a petrol station). For some reason I was trying to find condoms that eventually morphed into water balloons. Don't ask. I don't even know. 

Now, stay tuned while I think up some Q's to ask the next folk I nominate.

Much love, x

The xx - Angels

Just A Quick Question..

What do you think it means to love somebody?
I mean, not just love somebody in the way that I love my mum, or my best friends or kind strangers, or people who make brilliant coffees. 
I mean, what do you think it means to be in love with somebody?

Does it mean seeing them as flawless? Or seeing their flaws and disregarding them, accepting them anyway, and chosing to be with that person flaws or no flaws?
Does it mean knowing everything about them, like their favourite food, and their favourite colours, and their dogs name and where they went to school?
Does it mean you must like their family too? Their brothers and sisters, their mum and dad- maybe their grandparents, cousins, aunties as well? And must their family like you back?
Does it mean liking the way they dress, the way they do their hair, the shoes they like to wear? Does it mean you fall for their dorky pyjamas or their funny socks too?
Does love sometimes just mean lust? Is it wanting the physical- the touch and the feel of them on you, to satisfy desires?
Does it mean you always get along? That you go together like two peas in a pod, and you're as happy as Larry when you're both together? Does it mean you never fight, or argue, or debate?
Does it mean you always want to look your best when you're with them- wearing your nicest clothes, always done up, hair in place, powdered and scented? Or does it mean that together you're as comfortable as old boots- baggy hand-me-down's and messy hair, with not a trace of make-up on your face, and you couldn't care a cent, nor could he?
Does it mean being compatible? You have matching life goals, complimenting star signs, lifestyles that work well together? You're the planner, the organiser- and they're the do-er, the 'action' kind of person. How's that for compatible? Maybe you're both passionate about the environment, about polictics, the economy, travel?
Does love mean you can picture yourself with that person, five, ten, twenty years down the track? Travelling, a house, a wedding, having children together? Growing old and wrinkly and slowly disintegrating together?

Does love mean all of these things, or none at all? Heck, I'm only seventeen and I may as well have been born yesterday. All I know of life and the world is what textbooks, teachers and the Internet have to tell me. But maybe I know a little.

Maybe being in love is a little bit of all of those things. But maybe being in love is being with that one person whose voice can calm you in the wildest of rages, or rescue you from the darkest corners of sadness and tears. Whose touch makes you feel like everything in the world will be okay, at least for that moment, because you have them and that's all that is necessary. Who takes you away from the world and reality when they wrap you up in their arms, and you have truly never felt so safe, so content, so adored.
Maybe it's that person who you makes you feel so comfortable- like you could have just fallen out of a tree and landed in dog poo and they would still think you're the bees knees. Like you never need to fake anything, never need to doll yourself up in make-up or fancy clothes, for them to love you back. Together you could sit on your couch eating Chinese food from a plastic take-away container, in your tracksuit pants and department store shirt, and it would still be a wonderful night. 
Maybe it's that person who never judges you. Who hears your secrets and dreams and aspirations and fears, who will never tell a soul and never discourage you. That person who will listen and give advice and say they'll be there for you every step of the way. Your biggest supporter. 
Maybe it's that person who has woven their way into your life and into your heart, to the point where you cannot imagine your world without them. They are so much a part of you, how would things be without them? You can even imagine, naively and foolishly, a future with them. Loving them shamelessly, mercilessly, unendingly, through thick or thin, as long as you both shall live. And even after that. 
Maybe it's that person you never tire of, that person you always wish to see, who you constantly miss- even minutes after they leave you. Is that even normal?
Maybe it's that person who- even in the worst of times- you can still love. Even when they've hurt you, reduced you to tears, made you so angry you really just wanted to punch them in the face and tell them you never want to see them again- you know you still love them. That person you can fight with, argue with, get angry at- you give them the silent treatment and they tell you you're being ridiculous. You go back and forth and realise you're not getting anywhere because you're both stubborn. And despite all the fights, you know you would fight for each other- fight for what you have together- with all you've got. You couldn't let this person go. 
Maybe it's that person who surprises you every day- you learn or notice something new, something that enthralls you and reminds you, once again, of the beautiful human being you've been blessed with. You notice a new habit or quirk, you take note of their scent, their feel, the looks they give you. There is nothing more exciting than exploring the depths of another human being. And that's what you get to do every time you're with them, until one day you know their every element, and you are familiar with their soul.
And you love them for it. 

Maybe that's sort of what being in love is.

Well maybe, just maybe..

Another adorable photo, courtesy of 9GAG.

Except this one makes me happy and sad at the same time.

Karma, What Did I Do Wrong?

You know that feeling of excitement?
Happy and nervous excitement at the same time; like the anticipation inside you is like a bottle of fizzy drink just after it's been shaken, and you're about to open it.
That feeling of being so giddy with excitement that you feel like a child- it's the first thing you think of when you wake up and the thought of it get's you through the day. Everything is a little bit happier, a little but sunnier because you know you have this to look forward to. And sometimes you shape scenarios in your head, hoping that it will go this way or that, but hopefully not one particular way because that would be awful. You shape scenarios, but truthfully, you can't wait those few hours to really be there in the moment, scenarios aside. You are so happy, so excited, a little bit nervous, but you can't wait.
Nothing could ever steal away your feeling right now.

Really, brain/heart/conscience (whoever gave me that stupid notion), is that what you think?
Because that's a lie.

Today I felt exactly like I just described, and was literally in the middle of getting ready for the evening that was to unfold, when my excitement was dashed mercilessly to the floor and the plans-put simply- went to shit.
Now it's no bodies fault, but that didn't change how brutally beaten my tiny heart was. That familiar hanging up of the phone, followed by a sigh and drooping shoulders.

Also followed by tears.

Yes, tears, I cried okay? I blame it partially on menstruation and unbalanced hormones, and partially on the fact that I had so much hope and excitement for this evening.
Everything was perfect. I hadn't chosen an outfit, but the weather was and still is beautiful- perfect for the beach, and for rolling on into a lovely breezy night. I had planned everything, and I knew exactly when it would happen and what I would say. Excitement and anticipation and beautiful weather aside, more than anything, I just wanted to see him.

And now I am alone, in my bedroom with the blinds shut, sitting on my bed with only the glow of my laptop shining feebly on my tear-streaked and grumpy face. And this sucks.
This sucks more than missing the bus when you're literally about five metres away from the stop. This sucks more than being ten cents short of buying yourself lunch. This sucks more than getting suck at the lights while all the other cars get to drive. This sucks more than maths tests on a summer afternoon. This sucks and I hate life right now.

Sorry bloggers, end rant.

I'm just a little bit shattered.

This was the loveliest thing I found on 9GAG, 

after so many stupid jokes and meme's I didn't understand..

Anonymous Love Letters/Thank-You Notes- Because Hate Mail Was A Bad Idea, And I Have Far Too Much To Be Happy & Thankful About

Dear #1:
Thank-you for being exactly the way you are and not a single bit different; to be entirely honest, I probably wouldn't love you as much if you were any other way that the way you are now. No one gives hugs like you and no one makes soup like you. Thank-you for making my cup of coffee every morning, because I sure as hell can't make a coffee to save my life.

Dear #2:
Thank-you for shaping me as we grew up and teaching me how to dance to hip-hop and how to apply eye-shadow. Even though I still get it wrong. And still need help..

Dear #3:
Thank-you for encouraging me and motivating me all those years ago; thank-you for believing in me, and making me believe in myself too. I will never forget you and I will always be grateful for everything you taught me.

Dear #4:
Thank-you for knowing how weird I am and still sticking around. You will always be my jellybean.

Dear #5:
Thank-you for opening my eyes to the world and the beautiful things in it: the people, the languages, the music and the places. I owe so much of myself to you and your doings, and I love you shamelessly.

Dear #6:
Thank-you for not being afraid to tell me when I'm wrong, to oppose me, to argue with me, to correct me or to challenge me. Thank-you for fighting with me and debating with me, and being my friend all the while. Thank-you for your caring soul and your gigantic heart.

Dear #7:
Thank-you for inspiring me to smile through the pain like you have learnt to do so well. Everything happens for a reason, don't forget, and you'll find out that reason one day.

Dear #8:
Thank-you for the lesson you taught me. Thank-you for the way you treated me- you made me realise the way I should be treated. Thank-you for disrespecting me- you showed me that I knew how to respect myself. Thank-you for deceiving me and lying to me- you made me value the truth and honest people. Thank-you for trying to manipulate me and take advantage of me- you let me prove to myself that I was stronger, smarter and better than I ever knew.

Dear #9:
Thank-you for opening my eyes and opening my heart. You initiated an epiphany, and not a lot of people can do that.

Dear #10:
Thank-you for letting me call on you whenever I need, so that I can pour out my whiney, insignificant teenage girl problems to you at ridiculous hours of the night. I value you and your generosity and compassion and mentoring more than I let you know.

Dear #11:
Thank-you for being my confidante, my encourager, my handy-man, my chauffeur, my pillow, my advice-giver, my listener, my security blanket, my teacher, my comedian, my supporter, my friend, my complete and total opposite, and the one person I love with every atom that I consist of. Thank-you for debating with me, for arguing with me and for fighting with me, and still loving me all the same. Thank-you for telling me when I'm being a contradicting, hypocrtical whore, and for putting up with my endless mood swings and whack hormones. Really, I'm very grateful.

Dear #12:
Thank-you for being the most beautiful, genuine, honest, kind, caring young man I have ever come across. You are such a wonderful person, and so humble about it too. More boys should aspire to become like you- you are such a role model and such a brilliant guy. I am so honoured to be your friend.

Dear #13:
Thank-you for being you- you're probably the loveliest human being I have ever met, and your aura is just beautiful. You spread happiness and light wherever you go, and it's contagious. I wish more people were just like you.

Dear #14:
Thank-you for taking me on the rollercoasters and waterslides when Mum was too scared. Thank-you for the bike rides and the Happy Meals, and the caramel sundaes. Thank-you for investing time in trying to teach me how to play cricket. I'm sorry I got it all wrong and could never hit the ball. Bet you wish you had a son, huh? Thank-you for always being protective of us, and for telling us you'd 'keep the shotgun handy when the boys start coming'. I can tell you now, I found the perfect one so you can lay down your shotgun.
Oh and thanks for the corned beef on Saturday mornings.

Dear #15:
Thank-you for being like my long lost sister. Thank-you for being so utterly hilarious and so wonderfully genuine. Thank-you for all the inspiration, the encouragement, the D&M's and the inside jokes. I wish you all the very best on your trip this year- you deserve to have the time of you life.

Today is a happy day.

I cannot study anymore.
I just want to quit and burn my textbooks and be a gypsy.
Or a mermaid.

That is all. 

Beef/soy stir-fry

+

Frankie

+

Snakadaktal

+

Nailpolish

+

a little bit of lazy TV

+

maaaaaybe a bit of revision for my history SAC tomorrow

=

a very happy Anoosha

Oh how I love being alone.

It's over.
It's over.
It's done.
It's finished.
Never again.
Never ever again.
No more English classes.
No more reading.
No more highlighting.
No more practice essays.
No more notes.
No more hunching over my desk by lamp light.
No more lugging heavy books and my laptop to and from the State Library.
No more worrying.
No more crying.
No more mental breakdowns.
No more binge eating.
No more stress.
No more depressing, whiney, English-related blog posts.
No more studying.
I am free.
I am free from English.
I never have to study English again.
No more "What class do you have next?" "Oh, I've got English."
It's done.
My English exam is done.
I'm alive, and I don't have anymore English exams to do.
I'm free.
And I have never been so happy.