Boy Meets Girl.

Uh-oh.


Here I go again. I can't help it, the urge has risen. I think I want to cut my hair again. Not just pixie-short. But shorter. Like a boy-cut.
Think Agyness Deyn, in all her wonder and unique style. Choppy layers, and minimum drying time.
Hair that looks as if it's tougher than steel, and cooler than ice. I want that.

And I know I said I was going to grow out my Autumn pixie-cut. I was aiming for flowy, long tresses that reached my hips.
Oh, but Agyness Deyn makes this look so good! I don't know if I want to grow it anymore. I think I want it shorter. I want to cut it.
I know I wanted beautiful long hair, but the pull is magnetic. Short hair beckons.

I'll have to discuss this further with friends. They won't be happy to hear of my sudden change of heart once again.

Oh well. The androgynous kid inside of me wants attention. Now.

Whatever Will Be, Will Be.

"The future's not ours to see, Que Sera, Que Sera."

And that's my problem.
You see I have a real problem with surprises and not knowing things. Maybe not as bad as my sister, whose much worse than I am with surprises- to the point where she just about ruined her own surprise party for herself (although she insisted she had a lovely time).

I just don't like not knowing the future. True, the future is not our to see. How do we know we'll even make it to the future anyway?
I'm not normally morbid, but hey, if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, my future would most likely be spent six feet under, and pushing daisies.
But I need to have at least a vague idea of what's in store for me. How will I know whether to anticipate good or bad? What can I brace myself for?
What if I brace myself for a future abundant with joy and prosperity, only to be depressed and broke in ten years to come (God forbid).
Or what if I spend all these years worrying about how awful my future will be, and plotting schemes to try and avoid that, only to realize I was in for a blessed future anyway?

I need to have some sort of idea! How can one possibly sit and wait; just wait and see what the future holds?
To me, it seems more possible for a sheep to give birth to an albatross. I hate waiting. More than anything. And the only thing I hate more than waiting is waiting and not knowing what to expect.

But I once realized, God doesn't give you challenges you can't overcome, nor does he give you a life you're unable to live.
So I won't brace myself for anything in particular. I'll just brace myself for the future.

Because whatever will be, will be.

The Ballerina Wanna-Be.

Last year it was Street Latin. And in fact, I trialled it at a dance studio one evening. I would have pursued if the teachers were not so terrible at teaching.
This year though, it's ballet. Oh, isn't it just beautiful? There isn't anything I dont love about ballet.
I love the leotards and the tutus. I love the tightly coiled buns, with not a single hair out of place. And I love, love, love ballet shoes, and watching when the ballerinas dance 'en pointe'. I think it's the most graceful and elegant thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
That's why to this day, my biggest regret is having not learnt ballet as a child. Oh, how I wish my mother had enrolled me in ballet.
What did she enroll me in instead? Swimming classes.
Alright, so I know how to swim, and in fact, as a result of how often I used to swim, I'm a rather strong swimmer; but what did i acquire along with good water skills? Broad shoulders.
I can get out of a rip in about fifteen seconds, and I could do backstroke in my sleep, but can I plie'
gracefully, or memorize all six positions?
I'd have to be dreaming.

I've considered starting ballet now, but being fifteen years old and having a not-so-ballet-like body, not to mention my lack of flexibility, I don't know how well I'd go.
Sometimes I watch how the ballerinas dance, and notice that I could do some of the things they do. If I practiced moving lighter on my feet, then I'd have no trouble being graceful.
If I had a pair of Blochs, I think I too could dance 'en pointe'. I can already do all the arm movements, I just need some balance.
Oh, not to mention their ability to live their legs over their heads, etc.

Maybe I'm kidding myself. Who knows though, maybe I was born to be a ballerina?
Maybe one day, I'll slip on some Blochs, and it will all come naturally. Or not.
But one can always hope..

The Famine Diaries.

Day one: 10:25pm

And so it begins. Forty long hours of no food, no furniture and no technology. So far I'm not hungry at all. Not even slightly.
That may be due to the fact that I've only been food-less for an hour and twenty-five minutes; nevertheless! I will keep up this.. this lack of hunger.
I've also carefully and lovingly made myself a makeshift bed on the floor of my bedroom.
It consists of about nine or ten different blanks/doonas/sheets, plus a picnic mat, my pillow and my teddy called Bear. Together, the two of us are rather comfortable in our third world, first class bed.
Technology on the other hand.. I do miss my i-Pod already, but then again my i-Pod and are I are joined at the hip (i-Pods don't have hips..).
So far, I only have about $71.00. I am greatly disappointed.
If I don't have the better half of $150.00 by Monday.. there'll be hell to pay.
So sponsor me! Ugh, never mind. Goodnight bloggers. X


Day two: 9:40am

I haven't eaten in a little over 12 hours. And still, I'm not even hungry. I could go with a cup of tea, but I'm sure I can wait til Sunday, 1pm.
I had a surprisingly sound sleep on my bed of blankets, even though the hard wooden floors proved to be a little less than comfortable at times.
I'm doing fine without technology, but I still miss my i-Pod. And writing down my blogs in this notebook just feels like I'm talking to myself.
As yesterday evening, I still only have $71.00. And I am still highly disappointed.
I was told by a friend, "I'll give you twenty bucks if you can do it."
Well friend, it's almost been thirteen hours, and look at me go!
Fill you in soon, bloggers. X


11:00am

I'm bored. I want to play some music, or switch the TV on. I want to check my Facebook page.
And there are marshmallows, chocolates and toffees in a jar that seem to be taunting me from their spot on the kitchen counter.
This seems harder than last year..

1:00pm

I felt a rumbling in my stomach a little while ago. It lasted a few seconds and went away, and still hasn't returned.
I could really do with some chocolate right about now. Or tea. Or both. But I've got twenty-four hours to go. That's a whole day. That feels like a long time to have nothing but horrible barley sugars in my mouth.
I'm dreading four o'clock. Because at four o'clock, I have to go to work. I like work, but only when there are nice people on. Yesterday, it seemed like everyone hated me, and so I spent the better half of three hours walking about and polishing tables that were already perfectly clean.
But Thursday was an even worse shift, and in fact, I won't even begin to tell you about it.
Quarter past one.. Time really isn't my friend today, is it?
Hurry up, 1pm Sunday 22nd.

7:16pm

Home from work at last. I smell of oil and potatoes. Needless to say, I work at a fast food joint, and, since my employment, I haven't eaten fast food.
I can't believe myself, really.
What's even more outrageous is the fact I haven't eaten any food since 9 o'clock yesterday. It's almost been twenty-four hours!
Believe me, you all don't know how tempted I've been to eat a piece of chocolate or toffee.
My mouth hates me. All the chemoreceptors on my tongue want me dead.
I don't think I'll have to do much to win back their love tomorrow afternoon.
I know just the treat..

8:14pm

I'm hungry. I want to eat. Sixteen hours and forty-six minutes to go..


Day three: 2:25pm

Hurrah! 40 Hour Famine 2010 complete, approximately an hour and twenty-five minutes ago. The last hour was without doubt the most difficult, and I don't think I've ever appreciated food more than the way I did at 1 o'clock this afternoon.
Currently, the funds are at $281.00 which is almost double what I aimed to achieve by Monday. This year, I'm going to beat last years record, and lodge my application to become a Youth Ambassador.
I packed up my makeshift bed, and tore into the jar of chocolates, toffees and marshmallows. They were lovely, but I don't want them as much as I did yesterday..
And would you believe, my first meal was from a fast food joint.

Simon Says- Follow My Love Of Writing!

I'm always trying to succeed. It's my sole aim in life. Succeed in your English assignment, succeed with the blanket you're knitting, succeed with the novel you're writing. Succeed.
It's not like anyone's forcing me. Heck, my parents have even told me to not try so hard. They say they'll love me even if I don't succeed in anything.
Well, I didn't want to test that.

But when I started blogging, I didn't know if I was in it to succeed, or just because I have a passion for writing, and a love for sharing.
If I wanted to succeed in blogging, what would that look like? A stupendously long number of followers? What would it sound like? Heartwarming praise from friends every time I posted a new blog?
Well, regardless of what success in blogging would look like, or sound like, or even taste like (ooh, what does success taste like, I do wonder..) I decided I'm not really looking for it.
But, it found me anyway.

Because you know what I think success really is? Inspiring someone. And that I've done. It doesn't matter that so far, it's only two people. Still, that's two more people in this world who share the love of writing. Who's counting?

So even though I didn't set out to succeed, I have, in a simple and humble way.
So maybe I was born to succeed..

Who knows; let's just see how many more people I can inspire. :)

Oh, Dear Me!

I'm not the world's most popular person. Heck, to be entirely honest, I'm not the schools most popular person. But I have a lot of friends.
Once again though, I'm not satisfied. I want a penpal. From the other side of the world.

I did have a penpal, once. He was my cousin. But there's something slightly boring about writing to someone you already know. Even if he did live in a totally different continent. It's still not exciting.

So I decided to join a penpal website. How else is one supposed to find someone to write to? Message in a bottle maybe? Not anymore; these days I'd be prosecuted for polluting.
The penpal website has thousands of people, and, much to my delight, from all over the world. Even places that I didn't know existed.
But do you click on a profile, and start chatting away, just like that? How does it work these days? I don't use internet chat sites.

The thing is, I want to write letters to people. With a pen, and a piece of pretty writing paper. I want to start with 'Dear..' and end with 'Please write back, from..', and then fold it up and slip it into an envelope.
Then I want to write the address, and walk to the mailbox a few blocks down, and mail it to them.
And then I want to anticipate the reply, that will follow in a matter of days. Oh the art of letter writing shalln't ever die.

But no luck just yet.

If the penpal site doesn't work, maybe it's worth risking a $300 fine for littering in the ocean..

To Be Or Not To Be? - Isn't that always the question?

I think I set myself too many goals. Maybe I'm just an ambitious person, but I think there's a point where I need to say, 'Enough is enough, let's accomplish what I've already aimed for, before I decide to conquer the world, eh?'

I'm think that time is now.

My goals are strategically placed in order, ranging from the ones that need to be accomplished rather soon, and the ones that can wait, or that I allow myself to tackle bit by bit, like how a bird half-heartedly pokes at the ground sometimes.
That doesn't sound too bad, considering they're in order of importance and what not, but believe me- there are many.

I set some goals for the holidays, and accomplished neither of the four. I did work at them, but could I happily tick them off at the end of my two week break? No.
Yet again, just this afternoon, I set myself another goal. Or would it be another eight goals? Well, you see, it's just that I have a lot of homework that needs doing, and no matter how much I beg or plead, it doesn't want to do itself. Homework and I have a love/hate relationship.
So, I set myself the large and possibly impossible goal of finishing a combination of maths, science, history, english and photography homework by Tuesday. Its Friday afternoon now, and let me tell you, I'm beginning to doubt myself already.

A few more, rather exicting goals include buying myself a MacBook by December, growing out my choppy pixie-cut into a long and flowy 70's wave, throwing on a few piercings to jazz up my appearance, completing that blanket and that scarf I began knitting so long ago, not to mention getting a move on with all those scarves I promised to knit for friends of mine, investing in a beautiful digital SLR hopefully by next Autumn, and getting at least halfway through the novel I'm writing.

Yes, I am rather ambitious aren't I?

But something that came to mind the other day, seemed so ambitious that it just about set itself apart from every other goal of mine.
I decided I might like to become a Youth Ambassador.

Now I don't know if I have 100% faith in myself, but the idea is growing on me more and more each day.
Occasionally, I'll think of how impossible it would be, what with my other bundle of goals growing steadily too; but this one seems really worthwile.

So to be, or not to be? It's the question that's been on my mind for quite some time now, and it's my question to you now.
Email me. What do you think?

We Can Be Heroes!

Does anyone remember that song? Or that TV show? I do. Not a big fan of either of them, really.

What I wanted to say was, I'm not very pleased. I'm not just a grumpy person, believe me. I'm always very positive and optimistic. But some things make me rather unhappy. Would you like to know why?
I'll tell you why.

Because tonight, I'm going to have a hot, wholesome and nourishing meal with my family. I'm going to sit in my comfortable lounge room and do my homework, because my education is important to me and I want to contribute towards it.
Then I'm probably going to bathe under a nice warm shower, in a clean bathroom with clean water, and dry myself with a big fluffy towel.
And then, if I have nothing else to do, I'll get into my lovely comfortable pyjamas and curl up in my warm, heated bed and get a peaceful nights sleep.
And if I don't fall asleep right away, I might listen to some music on my i-Pod touch, or maybe watch some movies on it.


You're probably going to do something similar aren't you?

Thought so.

Because a life like yours and mine is so pleasant and easy. So complete. Maybe you don't have an Apple MacBook, or a Versace handbag, or a super shiny car that goes three times as fast as it would ever need to.
Maybe you don't have everything. Maybe there are somethings you really want, but don't have.
But that's okay, because at least you have food in your stomach.
At least you have four walls around you, and a roof over your head. At least you have a comfortable warm bed to sleep in, and I'm guessing you'd also have gas and electricity too? Yes? I thought so.

Because if you've got those things, you already have it better than people in the third world countries.
Why?
Because I bet none of you- none of you- have ever had to live without food in your stomachs, or clean water to survive on.

That is what makes me unhappy. That you and I get to live our wonderful lives, and people are out there literally wasting away.
That's why next weekend, I'm taking part in the World Vision's 40 Hour Famine. I'm giving up food, technology and furniture for 40 hours, to raise money for the people who need our help. I'd give up more, but I don't really know what else to sacrifice.

If anyone is reading this, and thinking that they might like to sponsor me, I'm going to set up a online fundraiser, but in the meantime, you can email me at: ilovelopsy@hotmail.com.

I once read in a book- ' When you are born, you are given a little peace of the universe. You can damage it, you can look after it, or you can change it. But when you die, you have to give it back. What you do with it, is your call.'

I decided looking after my little part of the universe wasn't good enough. I'm going to change it. I want to be a hero.
What are you going to do?