I am not used to this; your absence, the time difference, not hearing from you for days. Suddenly I miss you so much.

Come home to me already. 

"See how the wind and the air fill the sails of the ship and propel it forward, bringing it into motion and carrying it further than it could ever have gone without?

Even the humble plastic bag will soar like a kite, if only it is filled by the wind.

In the same way, open your mind to the world and allow yourself to soar and be propelled. The more you are filled by the world, the more sensitive of it's wonders you become." 

I wish my raging and uncontrollable female hormones would allow me to appear a normal, balanced and sane young woman at least some of the time. 

One can only wish.

Thanks VCAA, I hate you too. 

me: okay, it's 9:04pm, I'll just finish dinner and then go to bed.
~
me: it's 10:46pm, wtf am I still doing here?

Vegan Diaries: Post #1

So it's been a little over a week of veganism. 
So far, relatively good. 

I started to miss meat and yoghurt and chocolate and eggs as of a few days ago. I don't normally drink milk, and ice-cream is usually once in a blue moon, but I'm missing my chocolate fix, and my grilled chicken or stir-fry beef, and boy am I missing eggs for breakfast. 

I know there are vegan alternatives for all of these,  but more often than not, they're incredibly hard to find, they taste terrible or they're expensive. I've found a great vegan alternative for chocolate, but it's fairly expensive for the tiny block you receive. But it tastes pretty great. For close to four dollars, though, I can eat the entire block in about two bites. Not worth it.

I've also realised that despite the fact that I truthfully have not eaten meat since last Thursday, I've actually had egg and dairy products several times. I had a stir-fry (tofu stir-fry, actually) on Tuesday, only to find that the noodles it was served with also came with bits of fried egg. Since my day had already been so terrible and hectic (it's a long story, but I spent my whole day beside my mother in hospital) and I was absolutely starving, I ate the stuff anyway. I know, I'm sorry.

To make things worse, PMS has seen my chocolate cravings sky rocket. Over the past three days I've found myself sneaking morsels of chocolate to sudbue the cravings, arguing that it's only a small piece and I'm only eating it because it's in the house already- I wouldn't buy it from the store, gosh no. As if that makes it any better. I think mum also put milk in the lentil curry she made tonight. And I ate that too.

Speaking of my mum, she's really really not a fan of this whole vegan thing. I mean, don't get me wrong, my mum doesn't endorse the horrific torture of animals either, she just feels that healthy and strong people really need meat, and she's worried about my wellbeing. As horrible as it sounds, she says that animals were designed to be eaten by humans, and in a way it's true. But I know that neither she nor I would ever kill an animal, even if we were going to starve. If mum had to slaughter her own meat, she'd be vegan too, I reckon. I dare say most of the world would be. 
My mum and my sister are not encouraging or supporting my vegan efforts. They just want me to eat meat again, because so far, being vegan is a little bit of a hassle. I have to buy seperate groceries and cook my own meals, because no one else in my house will buy vegan food or cook a vegan meal. And that's okay, I don't expect them to, but what I'm saying is that it's not very easy or practical. 

I don't think veganism is going to work for me. Not at this stage at least. I'm going to try to stick it out until at least the end of this week, and if I do decide to resort back to normal eating, I think it's safe to say my eating habits will definitely have changed.
I'll be buying vegan whenever possible- that means opting for vegan or vegetarian meals when out, and buying vegan groceries whenever they're on sale, or when I see the stuff I know and like. I'll be eating much more fruit and veg, to fill myself up so that I'm less inclined to eat dairy or meat, and I think if I do eat meat again, it will be in very small portions and very very rarely. 
I just don't think I can forget about what I saw in that video, and simply continue on consuming meat and dairy products without a care in the world. 

Maybe after altering my eating habits, further down the track I can have another crack at veganism, and perhaps it will be easier for me, while also being practical with my lifestyle. I hope so.

Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted. X. 

Unplanned Things Are Nice.

Except maybe pregnancies and sudden thunderstorms ruining your garden party.

But unplanned outings and days out are lovely.

Today I swam- for the first time- in the lake I have lived near all my life. 

We intended to go to the beach, but the ridiculous wind made it unpleasant and near impossible. Instead, we got food and decided to see where the day took us. And it took us to the lake.

For some reason, the lake was still and untouched by the wind. It was secluded and relatively deserted, and it made for the perfect swimming spot. 

I think I like it better than the beach now.

So hopefully another warm day will take us there again.

The end. 

'S' Is For Sunday, And Sunday Is For Rest.

I should probably do something productive with my day. Like study psychology or start some other homework. Or maybe go for a run.

But I am so lazy.

The house is so quiet and I sort of just want to lie here and soak up the peaceful serenity that is beginning to seep in.

Today is going to be an unproductive, lazy, no-progress day. But I really wouldn't have it any other way.

X.

Animals Are Cute, Let's Not Eat Them.

Day one of my vegan trial. 

And so far so good.

A friend of mine posted a video on Facebook not long ago, which accompanied a short paragraph explaining her views on veganism and why her way of life, so to speak, is as it is. Already knowing of her anti animal cruelty views, I liked the post without watching the video. 
Later that day, however, something compelled me to watch it.

And I have never ever been so horrified in my life. 

I sat screaming and crying in front of my computer screen, watching the most horrific, inhumane, demonic, violent and merciless acts of cruelty inflicted on pigs, hens, cows, fish and their innocent young. The cruelest acts of violence, so cruel I will not speak of them, inflicted on God's creatures. For what? For our food.
I sat there screaming and crying as if it were me being kicked repeatedly in the head, starved, gassed, scalded and cut and skinned alive. I screamed and cried as if it were my babies being ripped from my womb, mutated as they squealed and shrieked for their mother, only to be hit with metal poles and thrown into bins. 
My eyes had never seen such horror, and my mind had certainly never even thought it possible.

So, needless to say, I have decided to try veganism. I don't know how well this is going to go. I don't even know if it will last. I don't actually think I'll even like it, but all I know is there is no way in heaven or hell that I could have watched that and done nothing about it. 
So my trial began today, and will last for a month. No animal products whatsoever. For someone who was a sucker for grilled chicken, eggs on toast and a nice fat steak every now and then, this may prove to be hard and arduous. 
But I will not eat such products if that is how it ends up in our supermarkets and fridges. 

I think I want to be a vegan.

Say What?

I would really appreciate it if someone enlightened me on what it means to be a "fresh c*nt". Because I was sitting on the bus today, when it was brought to my attention by the loud, obnoxious teenage boys behind me, that "Brazza" was apparently "a huge tosser, but such a fresh c*nt."
I'm not entirely sure what being a "fresh c*nt" entails, but I figured although Brazza may be a tosser, he can't possibly be a clean vagina, so there must be some alternate meaning.

I'm really not down with all this teen lingo.

I just want to drink tea and eat chocolate ice-cream and snuggle on the couch with lanterns and candles.
Hmph. 

You are the blood that runs through my veins,

that feeds my hungry heart.

You are the breath that fills my chest,

and took me from the start. 

Sweet Nothings.

Mmm. 

Hear that?

No?

Neither do I.

As much as I adore people, and being out, and seeing the world (or just the rest of my city, for the time being) and being social (sometimes..), there is nothing I love more than an understated night in. Doing nothing with no one, in the peaceful sanctuary that is my bedroom. A few candles, paper lanterns, green tea, and hum of the distant highway blended with a summer breeze coming through my open window. I feel so peaceful and content, I could almost levitate.

But I'm not, unfortunately.

(How cool would that be?)

This is what I love most about summer holidays. Doing nothing. And having no pressure to find something to do to fill the endless time I have. I do, however, have a stack (literally, a stack) of holiday homework that will most likely not do itself, so perhaps I should get that done (or at least get started on it) soon. But with school having concluded less than a week ago, I'm feeling absolutely no inclination to pull out the books again. Not anytime soon.

What I have been doing is shopping, lots and lots of Christmas shopping. With one family member down and three more- plus a boyfriend and two dear friends- to go, it doesn't look as if I've been very productive. But I'll get there. 
With my boyfriend jetsetting off to the other side of the world *sniffs* in roughly a week, and not returning until the new year, I have a little extra time to muster up some sort of appropriate gift. For everyone else, however, the pressure is on. Time will have no mercy on me, and knowing my luck, it will be Christmas Eve before I've even wrapped the one gift I do have ready. 

But instead of sorting out Christmas presents, and getting caught up in the pre-Christmas madness, I've decided to prioritize- by putting the spirit of Christmas above the materialistic, secular 'just another holiday' rubbish that it has become. 
So instead, I'm grabbing coffee with a beloved friend of mine tomorrow morning- and maybe we'll sit down for a little d&m too. On Wednesday, I'm spending the day with my boyfriend and then hitting up the night markets in the city; and on Thursday I'm taking a friend opshopping. I'll probably go visit my dad during the week too, and maybe go say 'hello' to my nana.

But for now, while a combination of green tea and easy summer breeze makes me sleepy, and the peaceful evening rolls into night, I think I'll slip on some jammies and climb into bed, and enjoy the sweet nothings of summer and endless days. 

Goodnight my loves, x

Young lovers are the happiest people in the world~

because they have discovered something so new, so exhilarating, so blissful, so intricate, so breathtaking-
as if it were never known before.

If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart
drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart

My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to

Howl, howl
Howl, howl

Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack
My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallow'd ground

like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins
I want to find you tear out all your tenderness

And howl, howl
Howl, howl

Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters

The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'd ground

And howl

Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright

If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallow'd ground