It came to me whilst in the shower this afternoon. As I lowered myself onto one knee, to begin shaving my legs, it occurred to me that there is much to loathe about being a female- like shaving ones legs for example. Further consideration revealed to me that there is, in fact, much to loathe about being human.
So as a result, here are five reasons why I would much rather be a fish.
1.) First and foremost- fish don't need to shave. Fish don't have legs, therefore they do not need to shave them, but then again, fish do not need to shave anything. 'Gee, my scales are getting pretty long, better shave them before I go out tonight' said no fish, ever.
2.) Fish don't even need to shower. When's the last time you came across a dirty fish? At the butchers*? On the side of the creek? Right, and it was probably dead. I rest my case.
*- if you're coming across dirty fish at the butchers, you could probably sue. Or find another butcher.
3.) Fish don't have pregnancies. At least, not in the way humans do. A fish lays some eggs, her hubby does his job and neither of them have to worry about their offspring until they hatch. Just find yourself a nice safe nook, like a rock or something, and go paint the town. None of this get-fat-for-nine-months-and-then-stay-fat-for-a-couple-more business. I wish I could leave my embryo in a nice safe place, like the back of my pantry cupboard, and not worry about it for a good two-thirds of a year. Hah. Fat chance.
4.) Fish aren't expected to do much. Except maybe look nice and taste good. Fish don't need to work, or maintain a home, or have an education. Fish don't need to achieve much in life. Basically, if you can live out your life expectancy without being eaten by a shark, you're one successful fish. No pretentiously shiny sportscar necessary.
5.) Fish are allowed to be naked. All the time. No one can catch a fish out for indecent exposure in public. Enough said.
P.S- I should probably mention one of the only downsides I came upon while pondering how lovely it would be to be a fish. It occurred to me that fish occasionally eat each other. In fact my last two goldfish ate their brother. At least that's something we don't have to worry about.. often.
