10 Reasons Why An Encyclopedia Is Better Than A Boyfriend:

I know, I know, dont tell me- I get lamer every time, but I feel the need to share my new-found love with all of you.

1.) Consistency- unlike boys, a written encyclopedia will never go back on it's words or change what it means. Unless you physically white-out paragraphs and change words yourself. But dont. An encyclopedia will always stay the same. So no 'look baby, I just feel like I'm changing..'

2.) Never ending knowledge- let's be honest, how much can you learn from a boy? Usually not a lot, and by the end, all you've learnt is that boys are heartless liars. That's not a lesson anyone really wants to learn.

However, purchase yourself an encyclopedia and you've got pages and pages of world knowledge, just waiting to be absorbed into your pretty little head, so that it can add to your already wonderful status of 'beautiful and intelligent'. Boyfriends cant do that.

3.) Presence- chances are, boyfriends will not be around all the time. Usually, it's when you need them most that they're 'having a boys night' or spending the afternoon on an obligatory lunch-date with their nanna. Really?

Get yourself an encyclopedia and never be alone again. Always there, on the shelf, waiting for you. Aw.

4.) No more tears- I have consoled many a female in regards to broken hearts over silly boys. Never have I consoled anyone over a broken heart due to a dishonest/lying/cheating/manipulating/careless/degrading encyclopedia. A dishonest/lying/cheating/manipulating/careless/degrading boyfriend, yes. Encyclopedia, no. Encyclopedias will never make you cry. For any reason. Unless, perhaps, you get particularly emotional over things like the death rate in the World Wars..

5.) No pressure- I'll put it down to the fact that encyclopedias are not living humans (or living anythings for that matter) and therefore cannot speak or act, but encyclopedias will never pressure you for anything. Ever. So you have no need to worry about taking it slow, which base to keep at, what other girls could offer or whether you may end up pregnant.

It's an encyclopedia. It just wants to be read, that is all.

6.) No more getting dumped- this is quite possibly the greatest thing about an encyclopedia- you can never be dumped. Not even if you accidentally rip one of the pages; an encyclopedia will never dump/leave/ditch/break-up.

It's as simple as this: fall in love with literature and never have your heart broken again.

7.) Lasting companionship- I have come to the conclusion that if I had a boyfriend, sooner or later he would realise that I'm slightly insane, perhaps quite moody and undeniably nerdy and so as a result, he'd soon get sick of me and/or begin to distance himself.

An encyclopedia will never get sick of you or your company, no matter how bizzarre, boring, bitchy or depressed you're feeling.

8.) Exam brilliance- generally, boyfriends only distract during exam season, and so you end up with a score that's not even half of what you're really capable of. This usually results from spending far too much time with them. Spend time with an encyclopedia, however, and you can pretty much begin celebrating an amazing exam score right now.

You just cant not benefit from spending hours with an encyclopedia. You just cant.

9.) Zero parental concern- you know that slightly awkward conversation most girls have with their parents when trying to introduce the idea of their new boyfriend? All of a sudden, parents want to know these ridiculous things, like what his parents do, and how you met, and how old he is, and where he's from and then all of a sudden you've got them warning you about sex and birth control, and really, it's just uncomfortable.

Get an encyclopedia, and they'll leave you alone. They'll think you're weird, but hey- they'll leave you alone. No more twenty-questions.

10.) Appearance- I've noticed in most relationships, no matter how long a couple have been dating, the girl always has to look wonderful in front of the boy. Cover up this, and curl that. Define your lashes, and plump your lips. Fix your hair, that bit looks frizzy.

Oh please. Does your boyfriend even change is jocks every day? Dont answer that.

You could have unwashed hair, a face full of pimples and be wearing socks and sandals and your encyclopedia will never judge. Never worry about how you look again.

And aside from these 10 wonderful and completely truthful reasons, think about the fact that you can buy an encyclopedia from a bookstore with a handful of money and it's yours forever. You get a boyfriend and give him everything you have, and still you cant guarantee the bastard will even stick around. I'll give myself an amen to that.