I'm sick to death of being taken for granted. I'm sick of being a doormat, being the nice girl that everyone manages to get around. I'm sick of being everybody's shoulder, everybody's best friend, and when I need someone, there's no one there.
I'm tired of caring so much about people who clearly don't care the same for me. I let myself be used. I go out of my way to make people happy, to be there for people, to do things for people, and I don't get anything in return. Not even the mutual feeling.
Sometimes I think it's such a selfish world we live in. Some people are too focussed on their own happiness/success/satisfaction to care about anyone else. Isn't that sad?
It's like that with lots of people; friends, co-workers, family, boys. You're there, and so they milk you for what you're worth, and then leave you when they've gotten what they wanted. Then when they need something, they suddenly remember you, and because you're such a sucker for punishment, you run right back.
I tell myself over and over again that I care too much for people, I do too much for people and I let my life revolve around other people too much. I let people become such a big part of my life that I rely on them to make me happy. But then when they have what they want, or when they've played with your feelings long enough to please them, they're outta there. Then you don't have them there to make you happy, and their absence and they fact that they screwed you over actually makes you sad.
I've been sweet-talked so many times before. Mainly by boys, but also in the friend kind of way. I've been called gorgeous, pretty, sexy, cute, beautiful and every other lovely adjective under the sun by boys. Boys who sweet-talk, just to get something from me. It's like they say it just because it's what they think every girl wants to hear. What, you think it's like "Yeah, I'll call her gorgeous and maybe I'll be in by tomorrow night."? Come the fuck off it, mate. I know how some girls work, and I'm so glad to not be like that. Not anything like that actually.
What I want is for one guy, just one, to say it from the depths of his heart and soul, and mean it with everything he is. Not because he thinks it's what I want to hear, but because it's genuinely how he feels. I want one guy to not have hidden motives, to want me for me, love me for my quirks and appreciate me even in my PJ's. One guy where sex is the last thing on his mind, and I am the first.
Even with friends, sometimes they're so lovely to your face; you do something nice and you're such a good friend. But a week later it's forgotten, and so are you. As soon as the 'cool' people are around, you're not even there. You're good for when there's no one else around, and they don't want to look like a loser. But you're outta there once they find someone else.
I'm over it. I'm over having my heart kicked around by people. I'm over feeling sorry for myself, when I probably just ask for it. From now on, I won't care. I won't be the doormat that everyone walks over, and takes for granted. Sometimes, people just suck. And so I'm going to be self sufficient and independant. I've said it once, and I should say it again; don't ever let anyone else be responsible for your happiness. Be your own happiness, because you just can't rely on anyone else. Nobody really cares.
Wow, that felt good. So unlike me, but so good.
End rant.
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