Just Another Sunday Night.

Yep, as the title reads: just another Sunday night, solitary and arguably sad. I don't like it. I'm wishing for one Sunday night to play out differently to all the rest. I feel silly though. I'm anticipating a change that may never come. Actually, that sounds a lot like the rest of my life.

I took a nap in the afternoon. I dreamt about dying, and it was actually the most peaceful and serene dream/nap I've ever had. Then I woke up in a foul mood, hating everything and everyone and feeling pathetic, lonely, un-loved and sad. That mood was later consolidated when I made myself a triple layer ice-cream cookie sandwich, ate it, and felt no better.

It soon wore off, the mood I mean. But it came back later.

I overheard my mother and my sister talking about my dad, before all this happened. The way he'd stupidly dance to a song he liked, making a total dag out of himself and embarrassing us. I heard mum remark that it feels like another life, all those years ago.

On Friday afternoon, mum called from work, just to check up on me at home and see what was happening. I remember how dad used to do that. He'd call up from from work, a pointless call, and mum would joke that he never really did any work. I miss that. I miss my old life. The sad bit is, it's not coming back. The scary bit is, I don't know what is coming.

I gave up on doing homework. I can't concentrate and honestly, I don't want to. My mind is elsewhere, and my heart is even further.

And so now, I'm curled up on the living room couch, blogging about my thoughts while watching 27 Dresses. I know that watching romantic movies in my current state is not the best idea. In fact it's a terrible idea. All of a sudden I'm filled with a stupid sense of sadness and longing, wishing my life was some sort of romantic film. It isn't. I just sat through my favourite scene. Jane and Kevin fishtail off the road, and Jane's car gets stuck in the mud. They go into a nearby bar, get drunk and sing 'Benny and The Jets' loudly and awfully on the pool table in front of all the other patrons, but oh you should see their faces. They're so comfortable, so happy with each other. They're being themselves, making fools of themselves. That's what I want.

Then they went back to the car and had crazy sex.

I also watched two of my other favourite scenes. Right after Jane ruins her sisters engagement, she finds Kevin outside. Even though she's angry at him, he cares about her. He tells her he thinks she deserves more than this, and that someone should be caring for her the way she always cares for everyone else.

And the last of my favourite scenes: where Jane realizes she's in love with Kevin, and finds him at a wedding. She gets up on the stage, and makes a little speech which results in her saying something that ends in "and I think I'm in love with you."

I wish it was that easy to say. She put her heart on the line, but Kevin was in love with her too.

Yeah.. I wish my life was a romantic film.

And that's how I've ended my Sunday.