How Throwing A Tantrum Can Sometimes Lead To A Greater Sense Of Fulfilment & Appreciation.

It was only a matter of time. To be honest, I had foreseen the moment since the beginning of 5th grade. I knew it was going to happen, sooner or later.
And it did.
I had my first English exam-related nervous breakdown.

I was trying to write a text response essay. I'd spent an hour and a half at my desk, and I had written less than a page. I didn't have a properly solidified contention, and I honestly had no idea where I was going with my discussion. It felt hopeless and I felt incapable of even forming a sentence, and so I threw my book against my bedroom wall and cried.
Actually, before I threw my book, I cried all over my essay and smudged all the writing.

Then I threw my book.

I suddenly hated English. I hated it, and I hated school, and I hated writing, and I hated studying, and I hated exams and everything else. So much hatred. So little logical reasoning.

So then I had some coffee and made a sandwich, and listened to some worships songs before deciding to have another shot at that godforsaken essay. This time I wrote a plan, and carefully thought out my contention.
And, lo and behold, an hour and a half later, I had finished. It might be absolute rubbish, but it is completed absolute rubbish. At least I finished it. And that's one dot-point ticked off my to-do list. Lovely.

So I guess that lightened my mood a little. Sure, I had a shocking afternoon, but my essay was finished and I had achieved something. And that felt good.
And then it got me thinking about what else makes me feel good, and all the other little things I like. So here's a list, even though you didn't ask for one.
Maybe you'll find some stuff you can assimilate with or it'll remind you of what you like, and then we can all feel good and be happy together.

And you can thank me later.

I like scented candles & those little contraptions where you put the candle underneath and drip some fragrance and water in the top.

And I like this new peach and mandarin fragrance I have for mine.

I like tea- all sorts of tea:

Chamomile,

Rosehip,

Honeydrew green,

French vanilla & rose.

I like fairy lights.

I like the smell and feel and sight of books.

I like my bed and the comfort and security and warmth I get from it.

I love being kissed on the head.

I like long train and bus rides.

I like friendly strangers.

I love my literature class at school.

I love friends who don't judge.

I like rainy days spent in bed,

And sunny days spent in parks.

I love having my hair played with.

I like cheesy movies with predictable endings,

Oh and Disney movies too.

I like people who don't want to be like other people.

I like when I go to sleep with wet hair and wake up with wild, unruly curls.

I like making films and taking photos.

I love my friend Cristobal,

more than he knows and more than I can ever tell him.

I love my new friend Meleonie,

I think she's one of those people who are sent to you for a reason.

If you're reading this Mel, you're the greatest.

I really like muesli bars,

and tuna. 

Most people hate tuna,

but I'm really not most people.

I love the way Of Monsters & Men makes me feel;

it's the same beautiful, consistent feeling every time I listen to them.

And I like all those other things that make me feel the same lovely feelings every time.

I love those moments with my boyfriend, those tiny moments between being awake

and falling asleep,

where my mind is silent while my body and my soul are alert,

taking in the feel and scent of him next to me,

and feeling so content and secure and at peace.

I like the way my mum makes me coffee,

because she gets it right every time, 

and I dont.

I like going to bed after hot showers,

and waking up with hot showers.

I like the feeling I get after going for a run,

or doing yoga,

or having a great work-out.

I love my mums cooking.

I like wandering the city, 

and finding new cafes

and shops

and gardens.

I like markets and op-shops.

I love long drives.

I like holding hands.

I love having my hair washed by someone else.

I like the process of getting ready for an outing.

I recently realised I like seeing my boyfriend smile and laugh,

he won't agree with me, 

but he has the loveliest smile,

and the cutest laugh,

that makes me happy too.

I like going to church.

I love Florence + The Machine.

I like poetry,

and I like art.

The end.

~